Could It Be Any Harder?

A week has passed.. and now, another update.  Its not that I don’t want to update my blog, but I have no time…  I guess this will be a short post… but we will see how it goes…

Anyway, I was watching One Tree Hill’s latest installment last night.  I guess its episode #13 of Season 5.  Brooke is trying to get an adopted child, while Nathan and Haley pursue to improve their marriage at the age of 22.  Peyton, is trying to forget Lucas… and Lucas is still soar over his failed wedding with Lindsay.  That’s what would sum up this episode, but what really caught my mind was what Peyton said about her hope.

She said “I wish I could change a couple of things and how I have acted in the couple of months. I guess I am just disappointed in myself.  You know I told Lucas that if he loved his fiancee, that I would learn to be okay with that, because I wanted him to be happy. But really, I just wanted us to be happy.  Me and him. Uggghh.. and when he didn’t marry him, I felt terrible for her and for him, because his heart is breaking right now, and I come in here, and I sit in silence and… hear the echoes of whom he used to be… and so I wish for patience, and grace… and strength to let him be happy.  And mostly, I pray for the strength to not make his life worst for what I want, because that’s the part of letting go you know… That’s the part of grace that really sucks.”

I know, some of you may not get the quote, especially if you are not an avid fan of One Tree Hill like I am.. but I kept asking myself.. “What do I want?”  Has my priorities changed?  Why does it feel so different now?  and so many other questions left un-answered at the back of my head.

To be frank, I can say I am disappointed in myself… but if you ask me about my hope… I guess, it would be to have the strength and courage to say what I feel, and not feel bad about it at the end of the day…

So what do you hope for??  I remain reserved on stating what I feel…

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3 Responses to “Could It Be Any Harder?”

  1. eda Says:

    wow, u watched til season 5 already? huh? peyton sik ngan lucas? so sad!

  2. mar Says:

    I dont watch that series…but we’ve all heard of the phrase “Love is to let go. If it is meant to be yours it will come back to you” or something like that - I guess that’s hope.

  3. cdason Says:

    eda
    >>> Sometimes, what you hoped for.. and what you are rooting for does not happen. I guess that’s why I lobe OTH so much.. its about reality.. its about life.. and yes.. I’m in season 5..

    mar
    >>> I guess you got that right mar.. but.. sometimes.. it doesn’t really work that way..

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